“Do you find yourself yawning in meetings?”

“Do you feel like you need toothpicks to prop up your eyelids?”

If you answered yes to either of those questions, keep reading my friends.

Every few days, I receive an email from our company’s employee assistance program with helpful tips and tricks about relationships, parenthood and being healthy. The last few times, the emails have been so vague or poorly written I’ve thought to myself, “someone is actually getting paid to do this?”

So when the next email came, I couldn’t help but take the content and switch it around a little. I sent my suggestions to a coworker (while I was on a break of course), and asked what he thought of my edits. His recommended changes where even better than mine, so I’ve included those today for your viewing pleasure.

ORIGINAL

Relationships: Better Listening (by New Directions)

Do you find yourself yawning in meetings?  Do you feel like you need toothpicks to prop up your eyelids?

When listening turns difficult, try these three tips:

  1. If you’re listening to something that’s just plain boring, use some mindfulness techniques. Pay attention to your breathing – and take a few deep ones. Use all five senses to feel where you are at this moment.
  2. If you’re listening to something you disagree with, stop thinking about how you’ll respond. Pay attention to what the other person is saying as if it were true. Not only will this help you listen better, you will also formulate better arguments!
  3. If you’re listening to something that’s difficult to understand, stop the speaker every once in a while. Summarize what you’ve heard starting with the phrase “If I’m understanding you…” By summarizing, you give the other person a chance to correct misinterpretations or clarify difficult points.

AUNT BUBBA’S EDITS

Relationships: Better Listening

Do you find yourself yawning during conversations with your wife? Do you feel like you need toothpicks to prop open your eyelids?

When listening turns difficult, try these three tips:

  1. If you’re listening to your wife nag and nag and nag, use some mindful techniques. Pay attention to your breathing – and always try to pass a good, deep one, fart that is. Use all five senses to feel where you are at this moment.
  2. If you’re listening to something you disagree with, stop thinking about how you’ll respond. Blurt out the first thing that comes to mind! You might also win more arguments because she’ll get frustrated and walk away!
  3. If you’re listening to something that’s difficult to understand, stop your partner immediately and say… I cannot understand ‘the words coming outta your moufph,” in the same tone of voice as Chris Tucker in Rush Hour. This will totally give your wife a chance to correct misinterpretations or clarify difficult points.

Apparently my mind was in a “let’s make all the women followers mad” mood that day. Sorry ladies!

And now, here’s my friend’s version. I have to say…he’s a waaay better writer that I am!

Relationships: Better Listening

When listening turns difficult, try these three tips:

  1. If you’re listening to something that’s just plain boring, use some mindfulness techniques. Make some loud fart noises – and look at the person next to you in faux horror. Move noticeably away from your neighbor in your seat and turn slightly away in your chair. This is Aunt Bubba’s favorite.
  2. If you’re listening to something you disagree with, stop thinking about how you’ll respond. Just snort contemptuously and roll your eyes. Not only will this divert others’ attention from the speaker’s mindless drivel, it will focus their attention where it should be- on you!
  3. If you’re listening to something that’s difficult to understand, stop the speaker every once in a while. Summarize what you’ve heard starting with the phrase “If I’m understanding you…” Then follow-up by saying, “But I’m fairly certain that couldn’t possibly be what you are actually saying…” This will make the speaker think twice about being so hoity-toity in the future.

Tune in next week for more advice from Aunt Bubba and her partner in crime, who shall remain nameless until he answers my text about what he wants to be called on here. LOL

Aunt Bubba

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