“Dear Aunt Bubba,
How do you get back on your feet after divorce?
One Day at a Time”
Dear One Day at a Time,
Getting divorced is never a fun process, even if it’s a mutual decision between you and your spouse. When we enter into a marriage, the last thing we want to think about is getting divorced. My ex-husband and I promised we would never do that, but alas, just one year into our marriage, on our anniversary actually, we pulled the top tier of our wedding cake out of the freezer, at a few bites and decided to get divorced.
Here is my advice to you:
1. Pray. You don’t have to be religious to pray. I think this article has some nice thoughts on why you should pray and how lifting your concerns up to someone is therapeutic. You can also try using the ACTS method to pray.
You also don’t have to pray to connect with God. Take a walk outside or listen to some peaceful music. Meditate. Find your own skinny place.
2. Surround yourself with positive people. The last thing you need to do is hang out with people who are going to bring you down or encourage you to make the wrong choices. After my last relationship ended, I got heavily involved at my church. The people at Woodcrest Chapel are so supportive and encouraging. It was just what I needed.
3. Spend time on you. The last thing on your mind right now is dating, but if it’s not and you’re considering getting back out there, I would strongly encourage you to wait a little while. When was the last time you focused on you? Now, I’m not trying to say that you need to fix anything about yourself, but oftentimes, a marriage fails because both the husband and the wife have things they need to work on. Be honest with yourself. Is there anything you need to work on to improve for your next relationship? Focus on your growth and write down some things you learned in your marriage that could help you in future relationships.
4. Give thanks on the good days and the bad days. Being single definitely has pros and cons. Maybe you’re able to spend more time on a hobby now, or maybe you can finally get the bathroom painted (because you knew your husband was never going to get it done). One of my favorites is eating ice cream straight from the container. There’s no one home to judge me! 🙂 Just be grateful for the things little things. You’ll appreciate them more later.
I think giving yourself permission to take things one day at a time instead of trying to move on too quickly is the right approach, too. If you need anything, I’m always here.
Need some honest advice? Email me firstname.lastname@example.org.