…and maybe you don’t respect yourself.
I found myself holding my tongue today in line at a Subway restaurant. The two girls behind me were talking about one of the girls boyfriend’s and how she couldn’t understand why he broke up with her.
“I bought him anything he wanted, cooked him foods that he liked, had sex with him like all the time, and he still broke up with me. I just don’t get it,” she said.
She continued telling her friend, who replied with “uh huh’s” and “yeahs,” all the things she had done to earn this guy’s affection, but he still rejected her.
I wanted to turn to her and say, “Maybe that’s because he used you and has no respect for you.”
Now, this chick could have taken me out if she wanted to, so I felt it was best to hold my tongue, but on the inside, I truly hurt for her and wanted to do my good deed for the day and help you. Instead, I proceeded to tell the Subway employee what I wanted on my BMT, paid for my food and walked away.
I’ve been that girl before.
I’ve been that girl who did lots of things to get the wrong kind of attention from the person I was dating only to be hurt, completely broken hearted and even confused as to why the relationship ended.
I’ve been that girl who thought she was doing the right thing in a relationship by allowing my boyfriend to treat me like crap, hoping he would eventually become someone he wasn’t.
I’ve been that girl who, now that I look back, had no respect for herself and made some really bad choices.
But, I’ve also been that girl, that because of some of those mistakes and the seeds that were planted by family and friends, is NOT the girl I used to be.
The other night, I was watching a local TV station called KMOS (one of the only channels I can get with my digital antenna). There was a documentary on about the wonderful Maya Angelou. Miss Maya said something that night that stuck with me. I even wrote it on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker.
“You are enough.” — Maya Angelou
“You have nothing to prove to nobody,” she went on to say.
I wish I would have believed that a long time ago. I wish I would have believed in myself back then, but I believe in myself now. I wish I would have respected myself back then, but I respect myself now. This is all thanks to the relationship that I have with a very special person – my Heavenly Father – and some amazing friends and family along the way.
The scripture says this about self respect:
- “For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:20
- “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12:2
- “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” – Matthew 7:6
My relationship with God has opened up my eyes to a whole new world:
- A world where I don’t feel like I have to prove anything to anyone.
- A world where I choose not to settle for anything less than I deserve.
- A world where I respect myself and expect others to respect me.
- A world where I show my daughter what it looks like to be respected.
While I wasn’t able to help this girl today, I hope she figures this out sooner rather than later. I hope she learns that she deserves someone better than this guy (notice I haven’t used the word man, because I don’t consider him remotely close to being one).
Ladies, if you’re reading this and it sounds like a relationship you’re in currently, get out of it. Relationships are all about giving and receiving, not just receiving. It works both ways. Love yourself first. Respect yourself first.
You’ve got a friend in me. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to talk.